


有些话我没有说过 (Some things I have never said)

by biscutpoo



Category: Chinese Actor RPF, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Celebrities, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Fanservice, Like lots of pining, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:02:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26206102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biscutpoo/pseuds/biscutpoo
Summary: Prompt: The rumours pop up before anything actually happens between them. Their management decides that perhaps they should play along a bit. Somewhere along the way they develop feelings for one another.Or Five times Yibo was a total fanservice pro + the 1 time Xiao Zhan wanted it to be real
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan
Comments: 15
Kudos: 282
Collections: BJYX Prompt Fest 2020





	有些话我没有说过 (Some things I have never said)

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [bjyx_fest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjyx_fest) collection. 



> >   
>  **Prompt:**
>> 
>> The rumours pop up before anything actually happens between them. Their management decides that perhaps they should play along a bit. Somewhere along the way they develop feelings for one another.  
> 
> 
> I initially tried to make the timeline of events as accurate in this story as possible but the sheer amount of footage, trying to corroborate dates, etc was simply too overwhelming. Trying to backdate this stuff is like a full time job? So… Forgive any inaccuracies, please. This is also not really that much of a 5 +1. 

It started like this.

Xiao Zhan had just arrived back at his hotel room after another long day of filming on Duoluo Continent when he saw the Wechat message from his agent. It was a link to a series of weibo posts under the currently trending hashtag #bjyx.

Xiao Zhan, who was tired and could barely see straight through his irritated contact lenses, reluctantly opened the link with a groan.

It was…a CP hashtag, he quickly realized. It was a CP hashtag involving _him_ and his male former co-star and good friend, Wang Yibo. Xiao Zhan watched with increasing alarm as he continued scrolling down the page. There were tons of pictures of the two of them together. Mostly shots from Ah-Ling, some cute pieces of chibi fanart, some photo shopped old pictures, and paparazzi shots of that time he and Yibo had gotten hotpot while Ah-Ling was still filming.

_What am I supposed to do with this?_ He texted back.

Lu Qing, his agent, called back almost instantly.

“Zhanzhan,” she greeted breathlessly. “Chen Qing Ling is blowing up on the internet, have you heard?!”

“I heard,” he said, somewhat uncertain. “I almost couldn’t believe it.”

“It’s great news! Congratulations!” Qing-jie continued, sounding particularly excited. “The fans are going crazy over you and Yibo!” 

“What does #bjyx even stand for?” Xiao Zhan asked, confused.

“博君一肖. (Bo Jun Yi Xiao) It’s the ship name the fans came up with. Isn’t it cute?”

“I suppose,” Xiao Zhan agreed, feeling rather overwhelmed.

“I talked to Yibo’s team. We both think this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for the two of you. The fans are in love with this ship! It could be good promotional material for the drama to play along for a little bit!”

“Wait a minute…play along?”

“Just some fanservice!” Lu Qing placated. “A little skinship during the promotional tour. What do you think?”

“…Yibo agreed?” Xiao Zhan asked skeptically.

“His manager said he’s in if you are!”

“I don’t know…Qing-jie…” Xiao Zhan said hesitantly.

“It’s just some harmless fanservice! All the BL main leads do it.”

“Qing-jie,” Xiao Zhan pleaded. “I just got back to the hotel, I’m way too tired to make big decisions now.” He had an early day of filming tomorrow. A few more days of work and Duoluo Continent would be scheduled to wrap. After that he was supposed to fly back to Beijing for a sponsor event before jetting off to Changsha for the filming of a Happy Camp episode, which would kick off a proper promotional tour for Ah-Ling across the country. “Can I give you my answer tomorrow?” He asked.

“Of course, of course!” His agent replied, still chipper. “But think about it Zhanzhan! This is your big break!”

After he hung up, Xiao Zhan slipped his contacts off and went through the motions of getting ready for bed, somewhat bemused. Chen Qing Ling, which had begun broadcasting last week, to generally positive response was doing incredibly well among fans. The memory of that hot summer, the fun they had had, the lasting friendships he had made, still brought up fondness in Xiao Zhan’s heart. Never in his wildest dreams could he have predicted that team of young, passionate, cast and crew could have pulled off what was looking to be one of the biggest hits of 2019.

There was a Wechat voice message from Yibo when he got out of the shower.

“Did your agent talk to you about the shipping?”

“Yeah I just talked to her now.”

Yibo’s reply was almost instantaneous.

“Are you in?”

Xiao Zhan hesitated.

The instant connection Xiao Zhan felt with Wang Yibo the summer of 2018 was somewhat of a surprise to everyone involved. Before filming, he’d heard from friends and co-workers in the industry that Wang Yibo was a person of very few words. Blunt and honest, but not easy to get close to.

Within days of the script reading though, Xiao Zhan found an entirely different person than who he’d expected. The Wang Yibo he met that summer had been charming and mischievous, someone who was competitive and bratty but could be surprisingly kind when you least expected it. Someone who followed him around like a puppy chatting endlessly, who was talented and hard-working, who liked to tease and be teased.

For someone who didn’t have many close friends, to add a kid six years his junior into that elite circle within such a short period of time, was really unexpected for Xiao Zhan.

So it wasn’t the thought of forced affection that scared him at all. Because truth be told…the affection Xiao Zhan felt for his younger co-star was all too real.

It was the kind of too real affection that would have scared him if Xiao Zhan had the nerve to examine it closer.

“I don’t know,” Xiao Zhan sent back.

Yibo called him immediately and launched into the conversation with barely any greeting. “Come on, Ge!” The younger actor goaded. It was the first time they’d actually chatted in real time since recording Wuji in March, Xiao Zhan realized with a start. He hadn’t appreciated how much he’d missed Yibo until now.

“How come you agreed so readily?” The older actor shot back. “You usually hate fanservice.”

“But I love trolling,” Yibo responded. Xiao Zhan could practically hear the gremlin grin in the other’s voice. “Besides. Fans like this are the easiest to please. We hardly have to do anything out of the ordinary and they’ll see whatever they want to see!”

When Xiao Zhan continued to drag his feet, Yibo whined louder. “Seriously. Don’t overthink things, Zhan-ge!” He teased.

“It just feels a bit dishonest,” Xiao Zhan said finally.

“What’s dishonest about it?” Yibo retorted. “We’re friends aren’t we?”

“Of course,” Xiao Zhan replied immediately.

“Then just act like we always have. Trust me. It’ll be the easiest fanservice you’ve ever been asked to do, Mr. Electric-generator.*”

Xiao Zhan scowled. “I get because of Ah-Ling’s BL theme, some CP fans were bound to spring up. I just didn’t expect there would be…so many.” Here he glanced briefly at the member count in the largest BJYX supertopic on Weibo which currently consisted of 100k members. CQL had barely dropped a week ago…was that even humanly possible? “It’s not that I don’t think we have chemistry,” he insisted. “But why exactly do they think we’re dating?” He asked, bemused.

Yibo hummed noncommittedly on the other side of the line. “I think someone released a BTS video. You remember that one where we were arguing on that boat?”

“Huh?”

“The day after you came back from filming Joy of Life? Remember? You kept giving me shit about telling you to jump overboard.”

A vague recollection of that day emerged within Xiao Zhan’s mind. He and Yibo sitting on opposite sides of a covered boat, hot out of their minds by the humidity, bickering about one thing or another as they waited for the cast to reset for the next shot.

“…Didn’t we argue the entire time?” Xiao Zhan asked incredulously.

“Yep,” Yibo replied. He sounded smug.

“…And based on this video of us…bickering…100k people on the internet now think we’re secretly dating.”

“I think it might be more than that, Ge.” Yibo said. “The numbers go up every time I check. I wouldn’t be surprised if it had doubled by next week.”

“I don’t get it,” said Xiao Zhan. “Haven’t they ever seen people bicker before? That’s got to be the least romantic thing in the world.”

Yibo snickered. “Something about how they’ve never seen me speak that many words to another person before. And how they’ve never seen you be so casual and impolite with someone else.”

Xiao Zhan snorted. “Please, you could have talked off my ear if you wanted to.”

“I’m telling you, Ge,” Yibo continued, cackling. “All we have to do is be ourselves, the rest will be simple.”

“Fans really just want to watch us bicker on national television?” Xiao Zhan continued, still in disbelief. He’d just found the infamous boat video on some fan’s weibo. One of the most liked comments beneath said video was “I could watch Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo argue for another hour.” _Really?_

“Zhan-ge, stop worrying so much. It’ll be fun!” Yibo pouted. And Xiao Zhan found his resolve steadily cracking. It had always been like this. Yibo would sometimes propose the most ridiculous things, pout and whine and sa jiao until eventually Xiao Zhan had no choice but to cave.

He had never been able to deny this kid anything.

“Ok fine,” he relented, already resigned to whatever chaos Yibo would wrought next. There was a whoop from the other side of the line.

“Ge,” said Yibo. The excitement obvious in his tone. “This is going to be great. Just you wait.”

1.

They greeted each other backstage at the Happy Camp studio like old friends, slapping each other back and forth like children while the staff tittered in the background. Xiao Zhan made Yibo rehearse their dance together at least five times before he could be convinced to rest.

“Ah, having to dance next to Wang-laoshi is really the worst,” Xiao Zhan complained. “I’ll look so bad!”

“Stop worrying!” Yibo retorted. “You look fine. The choreography is simple enough and I’ll match my movements to yours so it won’t be so bad.”

“Really?” Xiao Zhan asked skeptically. “Wang-laoshi restraining his dance skills for us common folk. Should I be honored or insulted?”

Yibo whacked him across the arm. “Being in sync with your teammates is a sign of a good dancer!” He quipped. 

The production team interrupted their rehearsal to have them film a few short douyin videos to promote their guest appearance. Yibo kept fussing about his appearance in the mirror and only stopped when Xiao Zhan jokingly called him a beauty vlogger. They slapped each other back and forth until one of the long-suffering wardrobe assistants had to come back over to smooth out the wrinkles they had just caused in their respective outfits.

It was nostalgic in a way, Xiao Zhan thought. Seeing Yibo again, teasing each other back and forth, smacking each other like school children. Even though it had been almost a year since they’d filmed anything together, it was comforting to know that their fundamental relationship hadn’t changed.

Afterwards, one of the producers came by to explain the concept of the clip. “…And then say that their friend is even more handsome,” she finished.

“Ok,” Xiao Zhan said agreeably while one of the wardrobe assistants adjusted Yibo’s shirt.

“Not handsome at all, he’s old…” Yibo muttered teasingly.

Xiao Zhan ground his teeth in mock outrage, mindful of their audience, but Yibo only grinned like the gremlin he was, not at all intimidated.

“Zhan-ge is older than me,” he said when Xiao Zhan stepped back in an impressive show of restraint. The wardrobe assistant, well used to their antics by now, had disappeared somewhere into the crowd of staff.

“And?” Xiao Zhan asked, a warning look in his eyes.

“Old cow eats young grass**,” Yibo quipped with a smug smile.

Xiao Zhan’s face split into shocked outrage at Yibo’s sheer audacity and whacked the younger actor sharply on the shoulder. Behind the camera one of the Happy Camp staff cooed and turned to whisper loudly to her colleague, “Oh my god, are these two a couple?”

Yibo waggled his eyebrows at Xiao Zhan, as if to say _see what did I tell you_. _Easy fanservice._

“Don’t bother fixing your motorcycle brakes,” Xiao Zhan retorted spitefully, to hide his own embarrassment.

Yibo continued teasing him relentlessly right up until filming began, to the point that their childish antics even caught the attention of He Jiong, one of Happy Camp’s main hosts.

“I heard that in the drama, Xiao Zhan’s and Wang Yibo’s relationship is really not good at all,” He Jiong, teased. “They fought from beginning to end!”

Xiao Zhan caught Yibo grinning at him from across the stage and quickly tried to hide his answering smile behind his hands.

“So you can see that these two have naturally chosen to stand at the ends of the earth!” He Jiong continued to raucous laughter from the studio audience.

They even bickered so much during the first mini game that Xie Na jokingly told them to get a room.

Slowly, over the course of the program. Xiao Zhan found himself completely forgetting about his agent’s fanservice request and falling easily back into that teasing rapport that he and Yibo had nurtured while filming.

It was easy, he realized, when Yibo’s grin was contagious. When Yibo’s competitiveness manifested itself in him jumping into every round of the mini game like he couldn’t contain himself. When Yibo went out of his way to drag Xiao Zhan bodily from the life-sized trash receptacles, arms wrapped around his waist.

For someone who hated fanservice, Wang Yibo was surprisingly adept at it.

During their interview with Sina Entertainment the next day, Yibo smugly recited an essay of praise for Xiao Zhan while the older man simply fanned himself, his token request for Yibo to be kinder falling on deaf ears. When it was Xiao Zhan’s turn to compliment Yibo, the younger man sat back with a Cheshire grin and goaded Xiao Zhan into writing more every time his typing slowed with increasingly inflammatory comments.

By the end of the day, Xiao Zhan was nearly ready to die of embarrassment.

But it seemed at least the fans had gotten a kick out of it, because Lu Qing sent him a short Wechat message after the event. “The livestream of today’s interview was a hit.” She reported, systematically thrilled. “Especially all of you and Yibo’s interactions! Keep it up!”

_Well._ Thought Xiao Zhan bemusedly as he watched the number of followers in the BJYX supertopic steadily climb higher. He screenshotted the number quickly and sent it to Yibo with the following caption: _are you birthing turtles???????_

Wang Yibo’s corresponding smugness was palpable even through text.

2.

The sheer scale of the popularity of Chen Qing Ling finally hit Xiao Zhan the night of their first fanmeeting. Even from backstage, he could hear the deafening screams of the crowd. It felt like being back on tour with his XNINE brothers, but this time with a different group of colleagues. Right before the MC called them to the stage, Yibo leaned over, hand over his mouth and whispered in Xiao Zhan’s ear: “Are you going to let me carry all the burden of this fan service, Zhan-ge, that’s so unfair.”

Xiao Zhan grit his teeth and pinched Yibo’s hand in retaliation. “It’s not a competition,” he quipped back.

“Zhan-ge only wants to stop playing when he knows he’s losing,” Yibo teased.

Thoroughly provoked, Xiao Zhan couldn’t let the challenge stay unopposed. _It’s just harmless fun._ He reminded himself. _Two can play at this game._

So later, when he sang Kepler in front of the crowds of fans, he secretly changed one of the last lines of the song from “I am no longer a lonely star” to “I love a lonely star.” _There._ He thought savagely, catching Yibo’s eye across the noisy stage. _Your move._

Yibo only cocked his eyebrows in response, looking pleased. _Are we starting?_ His eyes seemed to say. _Just you wait._

Yibo got the opportunity for his revenge during the mini game afterwards, where he and Xiao Zhan faced off, trying to push each other off balance. One well-placed shove from Xiao Zhan toppled Yu Bin first. With only the two of them left, Yibo fixed his jacket and threw Xiao Zhan a challenging grin as the two adjusted their positions on the platform. The younger man’s sudden first shove promptly caught Xiao Zhan off guard, causing him to step off the platform, flailing.

“Wow,” Xiao Zhan shouted, taking one step forwards fully intending to try and smack that smug, victory, grin off of Yibo’s face.

Fortunately, the MC interrupted, handing the microphone to Yibo for his triumph remarks. “I don’t know why I won either,” Yibo joked. “I just pushed him once.” Then to Xiao Zhan he said, “Are you not satisfied? Why don’t we go again?”

Yibo’s hand rested casually on Xiao Zhan’s shoulder while he said it. And normally this type of contact wouldn’t have made him bat an eye, but something about the nature of it all, the fact that thousands of eyes were focused on the two of them, the reminder from Qing-jie earlier that week about what they had to play up for the cameras, made that small point of contact infinitely more noticeable.

Xiao Zhan stepped up to reach for the microphone, but Yibo didn’t relinquish it either so their fingers brushed briefly across the handle. “Let’s go again.”

This time it was Xiao Zhan who emerged victorious with one well-placed shove which sent the graceful Wang Yibo off the platform, still somehow maintaining all the poise of a dancer.

Later, when Xiao Zhan’s fan asked him how he would confess to someone he likes, he stumbled flustered through his answer. “…some advice from a 28 year old man,” he finished teasingly. They made eye contact, Yibo grinning at Xiao Zhan’s expense and the older man could practically see the words Yibo was probably thinking stamped onto his forehead: “old cow eats young grass”.

They bickered their way through three rounds of improv scenes. When the topic of improvising a meeting between the two of them 16 years later came up, Yibo grinned like New Year’s had come early. “Wow, 16 years?” He goaded. “Then Zhan-ge will be…”

Xiao Zhan gnashed his teeth and stalked towards Yibo before he could finish that sentence, gaze pointed. But Yibo simply retreated a few steps, still grinning widely, and casually stroked his hand up Xiao Zhan’s arm in a soothing motion.

When the event was finally over, Xiao Zhan, still giggling over the mistake he’d made during their live rendition of Wuji, trailed Yibo all the way back to their dressing rooms.

Yibo shut the door to the dressing room behind them, still beaming. “What happened, Zhan-ge?” He teased. “Did you forget the lyrics to Kepler in your old age?”

Xiao Zhan smacked him on the shoulder. “What about you?” He retorted. “All that skinship didn’t satisfy you?”

“Please, Ge, that’s nothing,” Yibo snorted. He reached into his bag and offered Xiao Zhan a bottle of water. “I can do way worse, want to see me prove it?” He asked.

Xiao Zhan was momentarily distracted by the shape of Yibo’s Adam’s apple as he gulped down the water and almost forgot to respond. “Wang Yibo, have mercy,” he said quickly. “Can’t you be kinder?”

“What are you doing on Monday, Zhan-ge?” Yibo asked, completely ignoring Xiao Zhan’s earlier statement. Xiao Zhan, gracious person that he was, let it slide.

“Uh…I think I’m filming an ad for a sponsor,” Xiao Zhan replied. “Why?”

“We’re filming TTXS’s anniversary episode that day,” Yibo said, plopping into the seat by the dresser. “The producers asked all of us hosts to invite a good friend we’ve made in the last year to come on the show. You should come as my guest.”

For some reason, Yibo looked more nervous than usual, his leg bouncing up and down against the floor. The sight made Xiao Zhan smile fondly. “I just said I’m filming an ad for a sponsor, I don’t know if I can make it.”

“Can’t you reschedule it?” Yibo asked petulantly. “It’s an anniversary! All of the other hosts have already booked guests, I’ll look stupid if I don’t bring one, too.”

“Why don’t you invite Cheng Xiao?” Xiao Zhan spluttered. “Aren’t the two of you friends?”

Yibo gave him a look that was the splitting image of Lan Wangji in the Xuanwu cave immediately after Wei Wuxian had asked him if he liked Mianmian. “It has to be a friend we made in the _last year_ ,” he said petulantly. “Anyways I asked you! Are you going to leave me hanging?” He proceeded to poke Xiao Zhan’s arm with the viciousness of an irritated cat.

“Oh my god,” Xiao Zhan choked, grabbing Yibo’s hands in his own in an attempt to stop them. “I’ll come, I’ll come!” He said. “Why are you such a brat?” Xiao Zhan asked fondly.

Yibo grinned like a lion. “You’re not fooling anyone, Ge,” he said confidently. There was a twinkle in his eye that seemed to light up his whole face. “I know you love that about me.”

_Yeah._ Thought Xiao Zhan. _I do._

3.

Filming Day Day Up’s (TTXS) 11th anniversary episode felt a little bit like meeting the parents, given how much this show and its hosts meant to Yibo.

Wang Han, TTXS’s main host, came by to say hello while Xiao Zhan was still getting his makeup done and he nearly got his eye stabbed by the eyeliner pen in his haste to return the greeting.

“Wang-laoshi,” Xiao Zhan stammered.

“There’s no need to be so polite!” Wang Han called cheerfully. “Han-ge is fine. Any friend of Yibo is a friend of mine.”

Xiao Zhan laughed nervously, “Han-ge then.”

“I’m very happy you were able to make it for today’s episode,” Han-ge continued kindly. “Yibo was in such a good mood the entire day because of you.”

“Ah…” said Xiao Zhan, flustered. “I’m honored to have been invited!”

“Really when that kid pitched the idea for all the hosts to bring a friend on the show, I was quite surprised,” Han-ge continued. “He’s rarely so proactive.”

“Ah…” replied Xiao Zhan politely. _That was strange. He could have sworn Yibo had sold this to him as the producer’s idea._ “Is that so.”

Wang Han smiled kindly. “We’ll have plenty of time to chat later,” he reassured as one of the staff members came rushing in with an armful of memos to drag him away. “I’m looking forwards to getting to know you better.”

Before he could quite wrap his head around what had just happened, Da Zhangwei came barging in next.

“Hello, hello,” Da-laoshi said, shaking Xiao Zhan’s hand enthusiastically. “So happy to finally meet you, Xiao Zhan. Our little Yibo has told us so much about you.”

“Only good things I hope,” Xiao Zhan replied, trying valiantly to recover from the whiplash.

“All kinds of things,” Da-laoshi joked. “Yibo doesn’t often request to bring guests on the show, so I was too curious not to stop by and say hello.”

Xiao Zhan laughed awkwardly. “Wang-laoshi came by earlier, too. I’m really very honored.”

“Yes, yes,” said Da Zhangwei. “We’re always very happy to meet Yibo’s good friends.” Suddenly Da Zhangwei’s smile turned mischievous. “So tell me, Xiao Zhan, how long have you and Yibo known each other?”

“Ah,” said Xiao Zhan. “A bit over a year I think.”

“And what’s your zodiac sign?” Da-laoshi asked.

Xiao Zhan blinked. “I’m a Libra,” he said politely.

“Libra…libra…” Da-laoshi muttered. “That’s very compatible with our Leo, isn’t it?” Whatever he planned on saying next was interrupted by a swift knock at the door.

It was Yibo, already all styled, in an all-black outfit and casual white sneakers. “They’re calling you up for sound testing, Da-laoshi” he said. Yibo cast a suspicious glance between the two of them, Xiao Zhan’s embarrassed smile and Da Zhangwei’s entirely too innocent face. “What were the two of you talking about?”

“Just saying hello!” Da Zhangwei said with a dramatic flair. “I’ll go, I’ll stop bothering you.” He swept quickly out of the room afterwards, before Yibo could get another word in.

“What did he say to you?” Yibo asked suspiciously.

“Yibo-laoshi needs to get out, too!” Xiao Zhan’s makeup artist interrupted before he could even open his mouth to reply. “How am I supposed to do my job if people keep barging in here all the time? You can talk with your partner in crime, later, _later!_ ” Without another word, he ushered Yibo out of the room and slammed the door after him, muttering under his breath the entire time.

Yibo didn’t make further comments about it though when Xiao Zhan finally escaped from the wardrobe room and simply greeted him with a smack on the arm like always. They filmed some promotional materials then made their way on-stage to pre-record their song segments.

When it finally came time for the live audience taping, the crowd welcomed their arrival on stage with enthusiastic applause. And when Wang Han asked Yibo what he had acquired in the past year, Xiao Zhan was pleasantly warmed by the younger idol’s answer. “I made a new good friend,” he said, his hand warm against Xiao Zhan’s back. The answering screams from the live audience made Xiao Zhan feel suddenly shy, however, as he stumbled his way through an introduction.

The conversation moved naturally towards team names afterwards and Xiao Zhan turned quickly to whisper to Yibo, “Do we have a team name?” He asked.

Yibo’s face turned calculating. “How about 博君一肖 (bo jun yi xiao)?” He replied.

Xiao Zhan felt his face heat up at the other man’s audacity. “Wang Yibo!” He hissed. “Are you even human?”

Yibo relented without complaint, “Ok, ok. How about Yizhan, then?”

However, if Xiao Zhan thought that was going to be the worst of it, he was sorely mistaken.

They shared old pictures of themselves from 11 years ago. Yibo’s was a photo of him riding a tiger, to which Da-laoshi boldly quipped that Xiao Zhan must have been a tiger in his past. When Xiao Zhan’s old college picture ended up projected onto the big screen, he rubbed his neck in embarrassment and purposefully tried to avoid looking at Yibo’s wicked grin.

Wang Han had them wink handsomely for 11 seconds, at least 9 of which Xiao Zhan spent desperately trying not to laugh at the look on Yibo’s face.

They sang brief snippets of their favorite songs, as well as two live performances. After their rendition of Wuji faded into the sound stage, Yibo danced a small segment of freestyle with the poise and grace of an apex predator.

Of all the things Xiao Zhan envied about Wang Yibo, the effortless way he seemed to move through life was probably the most covetous. Yibo approached dance the same way he approached all things, with the curiosity of a cat and the boldness and unabashed straightforwardness of an elephant that expects the forest to bend around it. For someone like Xiao Zhan who had always flowed like a river into the shape of the world around him, to meet someone who could be so unapologetically himself in the face of all things was truly admirable indeed.

Yibo’s dance was short and it hardly contained any of the high-difficulty movements that Xiao Zhan knew the young dancer was capable of, but nevertheless he found himself smiling sincerely. Tender and fond, the feeling of pride warm in his chest.

After filming, the entire TTXS crew and guests had dinner, drinks, and karaoke in one of the conference rooms in the studio.

Without all the pressure of cameras and surrounded by Yibo’s brothers and crew, Xiao Zhan completely relaxed. The rest of the staff soon fell away and pretty soon it was just him and Yibo in their own world again, where one teasing comment from one or the other would quickly devolve into spats of slaps and laughter. Sometime during the night, Qian Feng came over with two glasses of champagne. “Gan bei!” He crowed.

After clinking their glasses together, Yibo downed his in one gulp and took the glass meant for Xiao Zhan from his hands without a word. Xiao Zhan shot him a curious look, “Ai ya, haven’t you stolen enough of my drinks?” He complained, but there was little bite in the statement.

“Zhan-ge’s working tomorrow, so he can’t drink,” said Yibo adamantly.

“Wow,” replied Xiao Zhan jokingly. “Thanks Bo-ge.” This teasing name earned him a whack on the shoulder that didn’t even jostle the wine in Yibo’s other hand. Curse his talented body control. When Xiao Zhan turned back to the conversation on hand, he saw Qian Feng eyeing the exchange between the two of them with a Cheshire Cat grin, which made him suddenly self-conscious.

“Our Yibo has grown up so much,” Qian Feng teased. “Xiao Zhan, has someone showed you pictures of when Yibo first appeared on TTXS?” He teased, reaching for his phone. “He was even cuter than he is now!”

“Feng-ge, why are you being like this!” Yibo protested.

Later in the night, the two of them sang a few duets together at the insistence of the crowd, switching off every other verse. Xiao Zhan excused himself to go to the bathroom sometime between someone’s particularly drunk rendition of 少年有为 which had caused Yibo to boo in outrage and Da-laoshi’s rendition of 山丘.

Just as he was rinsing his hands off in the sink, Wang Han, slipped into the bathroom too. “Xiao Zhan!” The older man greeted.

“Wang-laoshi,” Xiao Zhan replied politely, suddenly nervous. He quickly dried his hands on the pants of his romper.

“I thought we agreed you were going to call me Han-ge?” Wang Han responded.

“Sorry, Han-ge,” Xiao Zhan laughed.

“I’ve been wanting to say something to you all night but haven’t had the chance yet. I hope you don’t mind if I say it now?” Wang Han said.

“Not at all, not at all!”

Wang Han patted Xiao Zhan’s shoulder affectionately. “On behalf of all the TTXS brothers, I want to thank you for taking such good care of Yibo.”

“Ah! Han-ge! This is really not necessary…” Xiao Zhan cried helplessly.

“Truly, truly! I’m so happy Yibo was able to make such a close friend. You’ve been a good influence on him.” Xiao Zhan, thinking about the latest slap fight they had ended up having less than an hour ago, highly doubted that was entirely true.

“He’s a good kid,” he said instead.

“He is. He is.” Han-ge continued. “But he can be a bit blunt and naïve sometimes. Yibo likes to act first without thinking of the consequences. He could benefit from someone with a thoughtful heart looking out for him.”

Han-ge’s gaze seemed to be quite pointed, but Xiao Zhan, flustered first by such a well-known television persona being so close to him and second by the fact that this was someone Yibo clearly looked up to, couldn’t quite wrap his head around what exactly that gaze was meant to convey.

“…I do my best,” he said when the silence had dragged on much longer than was polite.

Han-ge nodded agreeably. “Of course. All of the brothers at TTXS are very protective of Yibo, you see,” he said, tone entirely too innocent. “We really hate to see him get hurt. Especially me, he’s almost like a son to me.”

“En,” Xiao Zhan said nodding, valiantly trying to channel Lan Wangji’s calm while his mind internally raced with panic. “I’d hate to see that, too.”

Han-ge’s grin widened. “So long as we’re on the same page,” he said with another affectionate pat. “Now get going!” The older man urged, giving Xiao Zhan a gentle push out of the bathroom. “Yibo’s waiting, he queued another song for the two of you.” 

Xiao Zhan blinked as the door to the men’s room swung shut behind him, still temporarily confused. “That was weird,” he muttered.

Yibo caught him after he returned from the bathroom, still feeling slightly surreal.

“What’s wrong?” Yibo asked when he saw the no doubt dazed look on Xiao Zhan’s face.

Xiao Zhan flopped onto the couch next to him, eyebrows furrowed. “I think I might have just gotten a shovel talk from Han-ge,” he said bluntly. He cocked his head towards Yibo. “Is that weird?”

Yibo simply gave him a look like he was speaking nonsense. “Ok you’re definitely cut off,” the younger man muttered. “Zhan-ge really can’t hold his liquor _at all_.” But he followed up these harsh words by bumping Xiao Zhan’s shoulder tenderly, effectively softening any blow.

The warmth of that tiny second of contact echoed longer than any other, warming Xiao Zhan’s face better than any alcohol ever could.

_Weird._ Xiao Zhan thought absentmindedly, feeling one side of his face with the back of his hand. Maybe he really was tipsy.

“Come on, Zhan-ge!” Yibo said, reaching out a hand to pull Xiao Zhan off the sofa. “The next song is ours. Think you can keep it together long enough to sing in tune?” He teased.

_Ah._ Thought Xiao Zhan, letting the strange events of the day wash out of his mind. _This kid._

Obediently, he reached out a hand, fingers entwining with the warmth of Yibo’s and followed.

4.

To celebrate the ending of _Chen Qing Ling,_ the cast and crew had a banquet in Beijing the night the last episode aired. After pictures had been taken and cake cut, Yibo found him sitting off by himself later in the night and put a plate of cake in front of him.

“Eat,” he said, without any preamble.

Xiao Zhan looked at the slice regretfully, “I can’t.” He whined. “I’m filming the day after tomorrow.”

“You’re too thin,” Yibo replied. “Xiao-laoshi can afford to eat one slice of cake and not gain weight.” As if to make a point, Yibo took one bite out of the slice of cake on Xiao Zhan’s plate and handed him the used fork.

Xiao Zhan rolled his eyes, but obediently took a bite.

“I’m surprised you’re hanging out in the corner being a wallflower with me instead of messing around with the others,” Xiao Zhan said.

Yibo shrugged. “You seemed kind of down,” he replied. “Is everything…ok?”

Everything was and it wasn’t. The thing was ever since the Untamed’s popularity had continued to go up, there had been more and more fans harassing him in private. They camped out at his hotel, followed him through the airport, or stalked out his sets trying to get pictures of him. The task of trying to plan his route from the set back to the hotel was starting to wear on him. Just yesterday, so many of them had crowded by the entrance of the hotel that he and his staff had been trapped in the revolving doors for almost 10 minutes before the hotel security had finally stepped in.

“Things are fine,” Xiao Zhan lied. “I’m just…tired.” And then in a rare moment of honesty, “Some fans were a bit excessive yesterday. It got out of hand.”

Yibo winced sympathetically. “It’s been rough for you, too?” he asked. “Last week, I had to ride my skateboard through the airport to get away from a crowd of them.”

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the support,” Xiao Zhan said earnestly. “It’s just sometimes…it’s tiring.”

“I get it,” said Yibo simply.

And probably, Xiao Zhan realized, Yibo did.

There was something comforting about that.

A temporary silence settled between them while Xiao Zhan finished his cake. The kind of silence between two people who had known each other for years where words weren’t needed.

It was Yibo fiddling with the TTXS ring on his finger that prompted Xiao Zhan to break that silence first. “By the way, why did you tell me it was the producer’s idea to invite me on Day Day Up? Wang Han-laoshi told me it was you who suggested it in the first place.”

“Zhan-ge’s so busy all the time,” Yibo said, he sounded pouty. “We talked about going skiing for like a year and you always say you never have time. I thought, with the promotional tour, this was the one chance we had to actually see each other regularly for a few months. Is it wrong that I just wanted to spend some time with you?”

“You really think I’m too busy to spend time with you?” Xiao Zhan asked in surprise.

Yibo pouted sulkily. “Well aren’t you?” He asked. “I’m trying not to be upset about it. I know you’re busy with work. But you disappeared for months while you were filming Duoluo Continent. I just don’t want us to be the kind of friends that drift apart after filming ends.”

Sometimes Xiao Zhan forgot how much of a kid Yibo was. It was moments like this that reminded him suddenly. Despite the years between them and the mature front he put up, Wang Yibo was still very much that puppy that had followed Xiao Zhan around in adoration, open and honest with his affection in a way only the unhurt could be.

It made Xiao Zhan want to cling a little bit longer to that innocence, too.

“Saturday nights,” he said abruptly. “Let’s video call.”

“Huh?”

Xiao Zhan smiled. “I don’t want us to be the kind of friends that drift apart either,” he admitted. “So let’s not.”

“You mean it?” Yibo asked. There was naked hope blooming on his face.

“Saturday nights,” Xiao Zhan promised. “Even if it’s only for ten minutes. I promise I’ll always be there.”

* * *

When Oath of Love had started filming, Xiao Zhan rapidly found himself commuting between Beijing and Wuxi regularly. This, coupled with his scramble to get to know a whole new character, cast, and crew, led to some late nights, rehearsing scenes trying to get a feel for his character.

The rest of the cast were all quite friendly. But Xiao Zhan found the atmosphere of their interactions didn’t have the same feel as past sets he’d worked on. Perhaps it was the recent promotional events he’d gone to, reuniting with the old cast of the Untamed, that made him feel particularly lonely trying to find his place within the Oath of Love cast.

It wasn’t that he didn’t get along well with his costars, Yang Zi was charming and easy to talk to. Whenever the cast went out for dinner or drinks after filming, he always had a good time. But nevertheless, it still felt like something was missing. Sometimes Xiao Zhan found himself turning to look for something, chasing a phantom he couldn’t name.

It left him feeling like a puzzle missing its critical piece.

In one instance, during hair and makeup, he found a particularly hilarious meme online, one that had nearly caused him to spit out his green tea, he’d laughed so hard. When he showed it to his cast mates later that same day, not a single one had shared his amusement.

Zhai Zilu had even shaken his head. “Sometimes I don’t get your sense of humor, Xiao-laoshi,” he said. “That’s not funny at all?”

“Maybe you should spend more time on the internet,” Yang Zi teased.

Xiao Zhan gasped in mock outrage while the rest of the cast broke into giggles at his expense. But the barb had bothered him enough he brought it up to Yibo later that night during their weekly video call.

“Can you believe they said that to me?” Xiao Zhan complained. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my sense of humor? Didn’t everyone filming Ah-Ling think I was hilarious?”

“I think you’re plenty funny,” Yibo reassured instantly. “What was the joke you told?”

Xiao Zhan obediently forwarded Yibo the meme and was pleasantly rewarded to see the younger idol burst out laughing until tears sprang to his eyes. “Ge, this is so funny?” Yibo gasped between bursts of residual giggles. “Are your cast mates made of stone?”

The heart-shape of Yibo’s mouth when he laughed earnestly made Xiao Zhan smile.

“When’s your flight to the fan meeting in Thailand?” Yibo asked after the laughter had finally run its course.

“I’m landing in Bangkok like 5am local time,” Xiao Zhan pouted. “I have to film some scenes the day before, so we didn’t have much choice.”

Yibo groaned sympathetically. “Try to get some sleep on the plane, Ge,” He reminded. “Did you get the snacks I sent?”

“I did! I did!” Xiao Zhan reassured, waving a bag of potato chips in front of his webcam. “But really, Wang Yibo, are you poisonous? You’re trying to fatten me up so I’ll look bloated on camera?”

“You don’t eat enough, anyways” Yibo argued. “Besides, Xiao-laoshi can’t look anything but beautiful on screen.”

Xiao Zhan flushed.

“Already out?” Yibo teased, “I only complimented you once! If Zhan-ge is going to be like this, how will you survive the Thailand fanmeet?”

“Wang Yibo!” Xiao Zhan snapped. “Be kinder! My poor heart can only handle so much fanservice!” There was frighteningly too much honesty in that statement, which Xiao Zhan refused to examine.

“Anticipate it, Zhan-ge!” Yibo replied impishly, completing ignoring—as always—Xiao Zhan’s request for mercy. 

* * *

The fanmeeting in Thailand was going to be one of the largest events he’d ever done abroad. The sheer amount of fans waiting outside the airport to greet him had shocked and touched Xiao Zhan immensely.

Both he and Yibo had gotten little sleep the night before, burdened by increasingly demanding schedules, but seeing Yibo again in person, Xiao Zhan quickly forgot all his exhaustion.

The venue was enormous and the sound of the cheering crowd nearly gave Xiao Zhan a spot of stage fright. Right before the MC called them up to the stage, Yibo put his arm around Xiao Zhan’s shoulders, grin infectious. “Jia you (Good Luck)!” He said, giving the older man a quick thumbs up.

_This kid._ Somehow that small gesture was enough to settle the butterflies in Xiao Zhan’s stomach.

The fanmeet began with a series of games with Yibo heading one team and Xiao Zhan the other.

“Do the two team captains have anything to say to each other before the games begin?” The MC asked.

In response, Yibo lifted the mic to his mouth. “Be careful of your waist, Zhan-ge,” he teased to raucous screams from the crowd.

_This kid!_

Yibo’s team emerged victorious through the first round of games. They shook hands amicably afterwards and Xiao Zhan stomached the corresponding punishment with good humor. The concert portion followed next. They departed backstage for quick costume changes and last minute sound checks while the other cast members were lifted one by one onto the stage to sing.

When it was his turn, Xiao Zhan tried to maintain a calm manner and sunk his entire being into delivering Wei Wuxian’s Qu Jin Chen Qing. The fans cheered in the silence afterwards, their light signs shaking in the night air. On a whim, Xiao Zhan put a finger to his lips and was delighted into smiling when the whole of the arena fell silent at his command.

The corresponding screams afterwards were twice as deafening.

“Let’s use our most heated applause to welcome…Wang Yibo!” Xiao Zhan shouted, as Yibo was lifted up from the stage depths. In his sparkling blazer and in the light of the arena, Yibo seemed to glisten like an angel rising from the pits of the stage.

“You smiled?” Yibo asked, as he stepped towards Xiao Zhan. “I heard it backstage.”

“What?” Xiao Zhan retorted. “I can’t smile now?” But there wasn’t any spite in his voice. Quite the opposite actually. The nerves from before had completely faded away at Yibo’s arrival and Xiao Zhan felt the buzz of happiness in his veins as clear as a temple bell.

For a brief moment, Xiao Zhan wanted this instant to last forever. The lights, the crowd, and Yibo at his back. The two of them together against the world.

_Shall we?_ Xiao Zhan’s eyes said, waggling an eyebrow at Yibo with all the playfulness of Wei Wuxian.

_Mn._ Yibo’s answering nod said with all the weight and silence of Lan Wangji.

It was only a few days later when Xiao Zhan was browsing through the internet between filming scenes that he realized what exactly Wang Yibo had done.

One of their fans had screenshotted or snapped a picture of that exact moment he and Yibo had shaken hands after the first game. When Yibo had grasped his back and pulled Xiao Zhan closer in a brief exchange. It turned out that at the right angle and at the right moment…it really looked like they were…kissing.

Xiao Zhan’s face bloomed red instantaneously and he immediately sent a text to Yibo that was mostly incomprehensible gargling. “You…What…Have you…Yibo…AHHHHHH.”

Yibo’s answering response was a Lan Wangji meme: The illustrious Hanguang-Jun smirking at the camera with the caption 不愧是我 (as expected of me) and promptly ignored all of Xiao Zhan’s attempts to yell at him for the next few hours.

_This kid!!!!!!!!_

* * *

The picture tormented him for the next few days. It got to the point he fumbled his lines so much, Xiao Zhan ended up having to apologize to the Director for his absent-mindedness.

“It’s ok, Zhanzhan,” Director Lu replied amicably. “You’ve been working so hard these past few days, you must be tired. We’ll wrap early today. Get some rest!”

It was nothing. Xiao Zhan thought dejectedly the entire ordeal back to the hotel. Once safely ensconced back in his own room again. He collapsed on the bed, without even bothering to remove his makeup and just stared at the ceiling.

It was supposed to be nothing? Why did one perfectly timed photo have to drive him so up the wall? Make him feel hot like a kid again? To make him…want things he shouldn’t want.

Wang Yibo, Wang Yibo.

All he could think about was Wang Yibo.

Wang Yibo shirtless in the cold spring the summer of 2018, skin so pale he was nearly translucent. Wang Yibo striking the coolest poses during freestyle dances. Wang Yibo grinning like a cat, chest puffed up, wanting to be praised. Wang Yibo, charming millions of fans on Weibo into loving him.

Wang Yibo charming Xiao Zhan into loving him.

Wang Yibo who was brilliant and had his whole career ahead of him and who definitely didn’t think about Xiao Zhan the same way Xiao Zhan thought about him. Who thought all these touches and compliments and teases were just that and nothing else. Who thought of it all as fan service.

_It’s not real._ Xiao Zhan reminded himself, ignoring the way his chest twisted at the thought.

With a deep exhale, Xiao Zhan finally slipped into the bathroom to remove his makeup, splashing cold water on his face to jar himself back to reality.

_I really must be losing it._ Xiao Zhan thought whimsically, shaking his bangs dry with a whip of his head.

The bare face staring back at him from the mirror had no better answers.




As if the Universe was aware of Xiao Zhan’s slow descent into madness and was determined to torment him, Yibo dialed up the fanservice for their last promotional concert in Nanjing.

Xiao Zhan was sick with a cold, drinking hot tea with honey religiously and trying to conserve his voice as much as possible. In return, Wang Yibo seemed to have made it his mission in life to cheer up Xiao Zhan to the upmost of his ability. This took the form of endless chatter backstage, but instead of the usual teasing tinged with violence their banter usually manifested as, Yibo was all gentle smiles and warm touches.

On stage, this new tenderness displayed itself in wide smiles and spirited compliments. In Yibo’s teasing trash talk before their mini game, which was more playful than provocative—“I don’t think you’ve ever won against me before.”

When the MCs had them play a modified tug of war on tiny bikes, Xiao Zhan won so handedly, he almost thought Yibo had thrown the game. Indeed, Wang Yibo seemed just as happy having lost this round than if he’d won.

After all the games, when it came time for Yibo’s team to suffer the penalty—striking five cute poses for the fans—Yibo walked calmly to the front of the stage, smiled roguishly and held up 5 fingers one at a time, in true Wang Yibo fashion.

The fans screamed their displeasure, deprived of Wang TianTian’s revival. But Xiao Zhan—merciful person that he was—let Yibo off the hook from a redo. Yibo’s salute in gratitude was half cheeky and half grateful.

When it came time to sing their rendition of Wuji, Xiao Zhan’s voice failed him on the high notes, but Wang Yibo gracefully sang the ending chorus with him, filling in the spaces where Xiao Zhan’s voice cracked with his own, which made Xiao Zhan’s heart overflow with appreciation.

The crowd for the concert the second night was even more overwhelming. Looking out over the sea of red and green fan signs, Xiao Zhan was moved beyond words. After the last notes of Qu Jin Chen Qing faded away into the screams of the fans, Xiao Zhan walked back to the trapdoor in the stage where Yibo emerged, one final time.

Wang Yibo looked as gorgeous as he’d ever been. “Wow,” Xiao Zhan mouthed, his smile teasing, but his eyes full of fondness. What followed was the most fun rendition of Wuji they’d ever sung together, Xiao Zhan thought. He and Yibo trading off verses in the chorus, smiling at each other, forgetting for one moment the audience and simply enjoying the adrenaline of the song.

Saying goodbye to Wei Wuxian afterwards was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. Xiao Zhan barely held back tears throughout the entire ceremony and as he bid farewell to the audience, in his heart too, he also bid farewell to Wei Wuxian.

_Thank you, Ah-Xian. May you live happy and return to your loved ones. I’m grateful for what you’ve given me._

And, Xiao Zhan decided, as he and Yibo walked off the stage together, this would also be his goodbye to what might have been. It was time to close the lid on these budding feelings for Yibo once and for all, to leave it all behind him. It would be better this way for both of them.

The thought made him more miserable than he would have liked.

Yibo’s hands rubbed comforting circles across Xiao Zhan’s back, as they filed off stage. “You ok?” The younger idol asked, his voice thick with concern, eyes shimmering from his own farewells.

“I will be,” Xiao Zhan promised, resolutely. Even though he was sure Yibo had no idea of Xiao Zhan’s own inner turmoil. “I will be.”

+1

Awards season arrived with the cold of winter.

Due to his newfound popularity, Xiao Zhan found himself suddenly the guest of honor at every glamorous awards show in town. Many of which, also included his dazzling co-star.

He and Yibo were both invited to the Tencent All Star Awards Night in late December. They arrived separately, but had dressing rooms right next to each other backstage. The two rooms were even connected by an in-suite door, which Yibo promptly barged through the instant he was done with hair and makeup, looking as stunning as ever.

“Zhan-ge!” He called, practically jiggling with excitement. “These are some fancy dressing rooms! I have a mini fridge in mine, have you seen?” He grabbed Xiao Zhan’s hand and promptly dragged him into the adjoined room.

“Yes, yes, this nice mirror is perfect to frame your face with, too.” Xiao Zhan teased. Then, “Stop playing with your hair, you’re going to ruin the bangs and I’ll never hear the end of it from your makeup artist.”

Yibo sheepishly held up his hands in surrender. “Why would Xin-laoshi go whining to you?” He asked petulantly.

“Ah I have it so hard,” Xiao Zhan bemoaned. “You don’t listen to any of your staff, they always ask me to wrangle you.”

“I don’t need wrangling!” Yibo boasted. And then, with a more teasing light. “I dare you to say that in front of a camera, Zhan-ge. BJYXSZD will be trending by the next morning.”

“Promotions for the Untamed are over,” Xiao Zhan replied. “You’re still planning on keeping up this fan service thing?”

“Maybe,” said Yibo noncommittedly. “I can’t?”

“…There’s no need to go through so much extra effort, is there? You can just breath in my direction and the fans will gossip.”

“Zhan-ge,” said Yibo seriously. The sudden change in his tone of voice, surprised Xiao Zhan into looking at him. “Maybe tonight, I’ll really give them something to gossip about. Do some real fan service,” He said.

“What kind of fan service?” Xiao Zhan asked, heart sinking.

Yibo’s gaze was intense. His fingers reached out and for a singular moment, Xiao Zhan felt like the world had slowed down. He lost sight of the dressing room around him, the makeup products, the mirrors, the sound of overworked staff outside. All he could see was Yibo: lips red, fingers long and slender, closing the distance between them like it wasn’t an ocean. Yibo’s fingers danced across the bottom of his chin as Xiao Zhan sat frozen like a deer in the headlights. Their faces were so close, he could smell the cologne Yibo was wearing, could see the minute trembling of Yibo’s Adam’s apple as he swallowed.

“…something like that,” Yibo was saying. “It’ll drive the fans crazy.” Xiao Zhan blinked, the entire world around him came crashing back into focus with a suddenness that gave him whiplash. Yibo’s fingers withdrew and Xiao Zhan had to tighten the muscles of his core to stop himself from chasing the movement like a cat pouncing on a sparrow.

And that simple touch. Those light fingers dancing across his chin tore the lid off the box in Xiao Zhan’s heart with all the force of a typhoon.

“Yibo-laoshi, you’re up!” Came a call from the hallway followed by three sharp raps on the dressing room door. By the time Xiao Zhan’s vision had cleared, Wang Yibo had already crossed the breadth of the dressing room and pulled open the door.

“Ge,” said Yibo from the door. “Are you coming?” The light from the hallway illuminated the shadow of his figure in the doorframe and for a brief moment he looked otherworldly.

_Stupid._ Xiao Zhan thought. _Stupid. Of course none of this is real._ But for one breathtaking moment, he had forgotten.

“You go ahead,” Xiao Zhan rasped. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

Yibo gave him a questioning look, but otherwise obeyed, disappearing quickly down the hall.

Temporarily alone, Xiao Zhan sat back in his chair and tried to slow his own frantic breaths. _I’m so stupid._ Xiao Zhan thought, his entire frame trembling with the force of the sudden longing that had surged through him. He could still feel the ghost of Yibo’s fingers on his throat like the memory of summer.

_Only you, Xiao Zhan, could have everything in the world and still not be satisfied._ He cursed. _Can’t you just accept that this is one thing that you can’t want? Can’t have?_

But oh.

Oh.

He wanted Wang Yibo more than he had wanted anything in his life up to this point.

“…There you are Xiao Zhan, what are you doing in Yibo’s dressing room. It’s time for you to go on stage-” His agent paused, half-way through the connecting door that linked Yibo’s dressing room to his and took in the pathetic sight in front of her, suddenly concerned. “Is everything ok, boss?” She asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Xiao Zhan whispered, his throat still shaking with unshed tears. “Just give me one minute, Qing-jie. I’ll be right out.”

Lu Qing hesitated. “Are you sure?” She asked.

“Mmhmm,” Xiao Zhan said, forcing a smile onto his face. “Just a minute,” He promised.

Reluctantly, she backed out, closing the door softly behind her. And finally alone again, Xiao Zhan allowed himself a brief moment of weakness to say aloud the thoughts he had long realized but never voiced before. “I love him,” he whispered. “ _I love him_.”

But if there was one thing Xiao Zhan had gotten good at over the years, it was compartmentalizing. Slowly, he took a long deep breath and began to count up from one, breathing with each digit. By the time Xiao Zhan reached double digits, all the emotions and the longing and the ache from earlier had been carefully packaged into a neat mental box in the corner of his mind to examine at a later time.

With an astronomical amount of effort, Xiao Zhan stood up from the chair, adjusted his suit in the mirror and walked out into the light.

* * *

He made the painful decision to call off the fan service a few days later. Because although it made his heart skip a beat every time Yibo threw him a smile or escalated their ongoing praise war, Xiao Zhan had finally accepted that it was too masochistic for him to continue on like this. It wasn’t fair to Yibo to play along with something he didn’t realize was real. It wasn’t fair to Xiao Zhan either, to have to constantly taste what he couldn’t have. So, the next time during their scheduled video chat, Xiao Zhan told Yibo he thought they should stop altogether.

There was dead silence on the other side of the line after his announcement. “…Why?” Wang Yibo asked. He sounded strange.

_Because I think I’m developing feelings for you and the pretending is driving me crazy._ Xiao Zhan didn’t say. “It’s getting a bit out of hand, don’t you think,” he said instead. “Anyways…I think it’s for the best. The Weibo Awards are tomorrow. A lot of really big CEOs and industry heads attend these awards. I don’t want them to mistakenly think…”

“You don’t want them to think whatever this is between us is real,” Yibo cut in, deadpan.

“…What’s with that tone of your voice?” Xiao Zhan asked softly. “You know I just have our best interests at heart.”

“Right,” replied Yibo. “Sure.” He sounded upset. “Is that all you called to say tonight?” He asked harshly. “Because I’ve got an early morning tomorrow.”

“Oh, ok. Sorry. I’ll leave you to it then…” Xiao Zhan said hesitantly. The phone clicked, abruptly ending the call. 

In the silence of his hotel room afterwards, Xiao Zhan wondered if he had made a mistake.

Yibo didn’t speak to him for over a week.

He only responded to Xiao Zhan’s messages with single, one-word responses. He played up being too busy whenever Xiao Zhan tried to invite him to game and cancelled two weeks of their ongoing video chats. After months of seeing or talking to Yibo almost every day, the sudden cold shoulder treatment was jarring.

It sent Xiao Zhan into an entirely pathetic moping spiral where he generally wandered around his apartment like a petulant ghost, sketching or watching sad movies. The rest of his staff put up with his sulking mood quite admirably and observantly did not bring up Yibo or his sudden request to tone down the shipping fan service.

By the sixth day of his self-imposed brooding, however, even Xiao Zhan was starting to be annoyed by himself. So it was probably a good thing that Xuan Lu video-called him just as he’d finished washing up after dinner. “You look so gloomy, Zhanzhan!” She chirped sympathetically when he answered the call. “Are you sleeping enough?”

“Ah, Shijie!” Xiao Zhan cried, mood instantly brightening at the sight of his former co-worker’s bright smile. “I’ve been busy lately so I haven’t gotten much sleep, but I’ll be ok.”

Xuan Lu still looked worried. “Are they overworking you, Zhanzhan?” She tutted like a true sister.

Xiao Zhan forced a smile onto his face. “I’m ok!” He promised. “Do I look that terrible to you?”

“My Xianxian always looks handsome,” Xuan Lu teased back, falling into the more familiar rhythm of their filming relationship with ease. “It’s just…you look a little unhappy.” She admitted.

Xiao Zhan thought about the way he had spent the last three days, moping around from one gig to the next and laughed nervously. “I guess I’ve had a few things on my mind…” he demurred.

“And how’s Yibo?” Xuan Lu asked.

Xiao Zhan blinked in surprise, the sudden mention of Yibo having startled him. _God. Was he really that obvious?_ Xiao Zhan swallowed. “Why are you asking me?” He quipped. “I’m sure he’s fine. I haven’t talked to him in a few days.”

“Did something happen between the two of you?”

“No…” Xiao Zhan said. “Why?”

“Ah…” Lulu sounded skeptical. “Because it seemed like you guys were getting along really well and then a few weeks ago at the Weibo Awards…you guys seemed stiff. You barely exchanged any words. Did you two get into another fight?”

“You know all that teasing during the _Chen Qing Ling_ promotion was just fanservice, right?” Xiao Zhan lied. “A lot of really important people go to the Weibo Awards so we could hardly act like we used to.”

“Right,” said Lulu hesitantly. “It’s just…was it really only fanservice?”

“What do you mean?” Xiao Zhan asked defensively.

“Oh don’t be mad, Zhanzhan,” Xuan Lu replied immediately. “It’s just that…you guys always seemed like you were in a world of your own. Even when we were filming. So when I saw the footage of the two of you acting like you were strangers…I was just worried.”

“I mean…I told him I wanted to stop all the fanservice. He seemed kind of mad.”

Lulu inhaled sharply. “Oh, Zhanzhan,” She exclaimed. She sounded pitying. “What’s wrong? I thought you didn’t mind fans shipping the two of you. Did something happen?”

_What happened was that I wanted it to be real._ Xiao Zhan thought but didn’t say.

“I don’t mind,” he said instead.

Lulu’s expression turned knowing. “I thought it didn’t make you uncomfortable because you and Yibo naturally got along really well.”

“It didn’t and we do.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Xuan Lu asked.

“The problem is that I like him…a lot,” Xiao Zhan admitted, his voice cracking. “More than a friend should. But he doesn’t love me back. Not that way.”

Xiao Zhan looked away, suddenly self-conscience of the wetness building in his throat and eyes. But the dam had been opened and suddenly the words were flowing out of him faster than he could stem. So Xiao Zhan told Xuan Lu everything, rambling on about how the line between what was real and what was fanservice had started to get blurry. About Yibo’s teasing comments that night backstage, the way those long fingers had danced across Xiao Zhan’s chin. How he had almost chased the loss of touch as Yibo pulled away, eyes playful.

The realization he’d voiced after that night that somehow, at some time during the course of this insane venture, he had fallen inexplicably in love with Wang Yibo.

Wang Yibo, who had a bright future ahead of him. Xiao Zhan couldn’t bear to be the one to ruin that for him.

“I couldn’t keep up the pretending,” Xiao Zhan said. “Not after I realized…it hurt a little too much. I was starting to delude myself into thinking it could be real, that some part of it was real. But it’s just a game to him. He doesn’t think of me that way.”

There was a long silence on the line after Xiao Zhan had finished speaking, punctured only by the sound of their breaths. “Did you tell Yibo how you felt and he reject you?” Xuan Lu asked at last.

“No,” Xiao Zhan gasped. “God, Lulu. Why would I do that?”

“Then how do you know he doesn’t feel the same way?” She asked.

“How…Because…” Xiao Zhan spluttered. “Because he’s never given any indication otherwise.”

“Zhanzhan,” said Xuan Lu suddenly, her voice determined. “There’s something you need to see.” There was a ding as his phone vibrated in his hands shortly afterwards with a WeChat notification of a message from Xuan Lu. It was a simple link to a video on billibilli. From the first few seconds it became immediately apparent this was yet another bjyx shipping video.

“Shijie,” Xiao Zhan whined. The last thing he wanted to see was another fan compilation of him and Yibo looking happy and coupley together. It would only remind him of what he would never have.

“Watch the video,” Lulu insisted. “Trust me.”

So reluctantly Xiao Zhan did.

It was a compilation of footage from _Chen Qing Ling_ filming, promotional interviews, and fan meets. To describe it simply…it was footage of Yibo staring at Xiao Zhan. Clip after clip of such instances, moments Xiao Zhan himself had lived through and not even noticed.

The way the video was cut, when all of these instances were cropped together. It was hard to not notice the way Yibo looked at him. It was even harder to ignore the way his eyes softened and his smile widened, the cold exterior that he presented to the camera temporarily detached to reveal these intimate glimpses into the person underneath.

There were endless compilations of Yibo staring at him, in rapt attention, as Xiao Zhan answered one interview question or another. Yibo in Lan Wangji garb gazing at Xiao Zhan’s face with a stupid grin as the other man talked through his drawing of Lan Wangji. Yibo had barely glanced at the drawing at all, spending the entire time looking at Xiao Zhan’s face. Yibo’s bright smile as Xiao Zhan sang 告白气球 on TTXS. Yibo on stage during a live fanmeet, eyes locked onto Xiao Zhan as if the sea of tens of thousands of fans didn’t exist, smiling wide. Yibo emerging from the stage trapdoor during every Wuji rendition, his eyes focused upwards at Xiao Zhan’s figure. Yibo crossing one wing of the stage at the Hunan TV double 11 gala, looking longingly at Xiao Zhan across a sea of fans. The video ended with a simple line of text: 喜欢一个人的眼神是藏不住的。 (The look of being in love with another person can’t be hidden.)

By the end, Xiao Zhan was openly crying, tears streaming down his face, as the last of the text and music faded into blackness.

“Does that,” said Xuan Lu tearfully, “Look like the face of someone who doesn’t love you back?”

* * *

Yibo woke up bright and early Saturday morning to the sound of incessant knocking at his door.

To say he didn’t appreciate it would be an understatement.

It was one of his rare days off. His mood the last few weeks had been foul and getting darker. It had gotten so bad he’d snapped another savage response to an interviewer and his agent had finally snapped and given him a day off to cool his head. He’d planned to sleep in and mope around in bed all day. Maybe put together one of the new lego sets he had stacked up in his living room and was not at all appreciative of whatever this guest wanted.

Frustrated and fully prepared to give the knocker an earful, Yibo scrambled out of bed, threw on a random shirt, and slammed the door open only to find…Xiao Zhan standing on his doorstep, fist raised in mid-knock.

The shock of seeing him again temporarily pacified Yibo’s anger.

Xiao Zhan was wearing a nondescript shirt and black gym shorts, complete with cap and mask. Even without makeup on, the older man looked too good to be true. “What are you doing here?” Yibo blurted out.

Xiao Zhan looked nervous. “Can I come in?” He asked. “There’s something I want to say. I brought breakfast?” He held up a bag of pastries and soymilk, hesitantly.

Wordlessly, Yibo stepped aside.

Xiao Zhan looked awkward in Yibo’s apartment as he set the food down on the table—larger than life in a way, as if he was too tall to fit in the place. The older idol was all long-limbs like a deer fawn learning to walk. He looked so pitiful that Yibo had to restrain the desire to run his hands soothingly up Xiao Zhan’s back.

Zhan-ge wouldn’t appreciate that, probably.

“I’m sorry to show up unannounced so early,” Xiao Zhan said hesitantly. “I probably should’ve called first but…you haven’t really been answering my calls lately.”

“I’ve been busy,” Yibo lied. The truth was that the last conversation they’d had together…had hurt. More than he expected. The past few months of promoting, occasionally running into Xiao Zhan at professional events, the ongoing…fan service had been fun and wish fulfillment on so many levels.

The thing was…Xiao Zhan was an easy person to love.

He was handsome, kind, easy to talk to, friendly…Everybody in the cast of the Untamed that summer had gotten partially starry-eyed about Xiao Zhan at some point, Yibo most of all.

Yibo was a person who never did things by halves. He liked motorcycle racing, therefore he got so good at it he won awards. He liked skateboarding, therefore he sunk hours into learning tricks. So of course, of course when he fell in love with Xiao Zhan it would be with all the intensity and commitment of a bungee jump.

Yibo wasn’t delusional, Xiao Zhan was a person who was easy to love. There had never been any expectation for the older man to love him back. But nevertheless, when Xiao Zhan threw that smile his way, eyes crinkling in the corners, Yibo had thought…that maybe…just maybe…the other man liked him back.

And then to hear that Xiao Zhan was so opposed to a relationship between the two of them, he’d wanted to pretend to be strangers on camera…

Yibo dealt with emotional pain about as well as any young man his age might, by being petty and spiteful about it. So yes, he’d been intentionally ignoring Xiao Zhan. But he was never going to admit that to the man now.

“Right…” said Xiao Zhan miserably. “Look I came to apologize for whatever I said that made you mad at me.”

“I’m not mad,” Yibo denied. Well…not really.

“Yeah sure,” Xiao Zhan said. He didn’t look like he believed Yibo. “Look, I am really sorry. But there’s something I want to say to you. I just have to get it out. And after that, if you’re still mad at me, I’ll leave and I won’t try to talk to you again, if that’s what you want.”

That sounded like the entire opposite of what Yibo wanted, actually.

“What is it?” He asked.

“I feel like you deserve the truth,” Xiao Zhan continued. “About the fanservice thing…What I said before…I lied.”

Yibo said nothing, silently waiting.

“The reason I wanted to stop…” continued Xiao Zhan nervously. “It wasn’t because I didn’t want others to think those things between us were real. It was because _I_ was starting to want them to be real. And I didn’t think that was fair to you.”

“What do you mean?” Yibo asked.

Xiao Zhan took one large breath in and steadied himself. “I like you,” he said, in a moment that was uncharacteristically unlike him. “I like you a lot. And those touches and near kisses. Everything the fans think we do when it’s just us. I wanted all of that to be real. And thinking that it was all just fanservice to you made it hurt too much.”

Silence.

What Xiao Zhan said…it sounded like…well it sounded too good to be true.

“Do you mean that?” Yibo asked vulnerably.

“Of course I mean it,” Xiao Zhan replied immediately. There was no hint of a lie in his eyes. “I’m sorry if that…makes you uncomfortable. But these past few weeks when you kept ignoring me. I just…It made me realize I’d rather have you in my life than not. So even if all you want to be is friends. I’d be satisfied with that. Just please don’t…cut me out of your life because of this.”

“I wouldn’t ever cut Xiao-laoshi out of my life,” said Yibo tenderly. “I thought…I thought you wanted to stop the fanservice because you realized how I felt and it made you uncomfortable,” He admitted softly.

“…how you felt?” Xiao Zhan asked. There was a naked, budding, hope in his eyes.

“That I was in love with you,” Yibo admitted.

Xiao Zhan’s face split open wide with a smile like a bursting lotus flower. He was so beautiful.

“You didn’t know?” Yibo asked, in disbelief, an answering smile spreading across his own face against his will. He couldn’t help it. Seeing Xiao Zhan’s smile, the naked happiness and joy on his face just made Yibo happy in a way skateboards and motorcycle racing had never been able to match. “Zhan-ge, millions of people in China have realized I’m in love with you. I’m hardly subtle.”

Xiao Zhan’s laugh was watery.

“The fan service was only an excuse,” Yibo continued. “I just really…wanted to do that stuff with you. I wanted to touch you and smile at you and be cute with you. I thought _I_ was the one taking advantage of _you._ ”

“God, we’re both idiots,” Xiao Zhan laughed.

“I’m six years younger than Zhan-ge and therefore less experienced,” Yibo teased, with a pout. There wasn’t any heat behind his words though. His knees were weak with relief and happiness. Yibo felt giddy and his fingers twitched with the sudden need to put his hands all over Xiao Zhan’s body. “What’s your excuse?” He asked, licking his lips.

Xiao Zhan’s eyes darkened at the gesture. “My excuse…is that I was too busy being distracted by how handsome you were to think straight. Can I…kiss you?” He asked.

Yibo’s answering grin was infectious. “Zhan-ge,” he said earnestly. “I have been waiting far too long for you to say that.”

* * *

It was a rare morning that Xiao Zhan was able to sleep in. So he tried not to be too petty about being woken up earlier than he would have liked by the jab of a sharp finger into his ribs.

“Ge,” whispered Wang Yibo, his breath tickling the hairs on the back of Xiao Zhan’s neck. A weight pressed down on his back, lean and muscular. “Are you awake?”

Xiao Zhan buried his face deeper into the covers to hide his smile then flipped off his stomach when Yibo started pressing kisses up the line of Xiao Zhan’s neck. “Good morning to you, too, you little brat,” He replied.

“Check your phone, Ge,” said Yibo. His gremlin grin was in place, which probably meant Xiao Zhan was going to open his weibo and see something he wasn’t prepared for.

With a groan, the older man turned his back to Yibo by rolling onto his side and tried to wish himself back to sleep. A slap hit his shoulder, ruining such dreams almost instantly. “ _Ge,_ ” Yibo whined.

With a sigh, Xiao Zhan reluctantly propped himself up onto one elbow and reached for his phone by the bedside cabinet, eyeing his boyfriend’s mischievous grin with fond exasperation. “I’m not awake enough for this,” he muttered. It only took a few seconds to find what Yibo was so proud of—a Weibo post of a short ad he had filmed with Himalayan a few weeks ago. The advert was really quite beautifully done, conveying a message of accompaniment and love that sent a burst of heat through Xiao Zhan’s body.

Yibo’s caption read: “有些话我没有说过，但我知道你们懂，这是属于我们的默契. 爱就是这样. (Some things I have never said. But I know you guys understand. This is our mutual understanding. Love is like this.)”

Xiao Zhan scoffed to hide the pleasantly warm feeling that bubbled up inside his chest. “You really like to tease the fans don’t you?” He asked fondly.

“They’ve named me the captain of their ship,” Yibo responded, his grin widening. “If I don’t toss them a scrap or two once in a while, they’ll starve. You wouldn’t want to starve our fans, would you?” Xiao Zhan could practically see the words stamped across Yibo’s forehead: _Zhan-ge I did well, didn’t I? Praise me! Reward me!_ Yibo was already scooting closer to pull Xiao Zhan into a kiss that was both chaste and yet promised far more than the older man was prepared to deliver on so soon after waking up.

After a minute or two of deepening kisses, Xiao Zhan finally pulled away with a groan. His boyfriend whined and chased him across the bed. “I’m dating a puppy,” Xiao Zhan complained, as he finally rolled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. Yibo, like the clingy kid he was followed instantly, his tone indignant.

“Who are you calling a puppy!” He scolded.

Xiao Zhan, still grinning, slammed the door in his boyfriends face. Yibo’s answering screech left him bursting with laughter. “Zhan-ge!”

He’d let the little puppy stew outside for a bit longer, Xiao Zhan decided. Then maybe they could order in a late breakfast, play a few more rounds of that game they hadn’t finished from the night before. And then maybe Xiao Zhan would be gracious enough to give Yibo the reward he was probably looking forwards to.

All in all, an ideal day.

爱就是这样. (Love is like this).

**Author's Note:**

> *Xiao Zhan, [ Mr. Electric-Generator. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_blE_xMyKY) (You’re welcome)  
> **A Chinese Idiom lit. “old cow eats young grass” – aka a cradle robber.  
> I think the video Xuan Lu sent Xiao Zhan only exists in my imagination lol. I would make it if I had an ounce of video editing ability (spoiler alert I don’t). It was roughly inspired by the second half of this [ video ](https://youtu.be/hd9TSfcNLlA) though:  
> [ Yibo’s Himalayan ad ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPXcoZIOnpk)  
> [ Wuji where WYB helps XZ sing ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klgrMgfNYpw)
> 
> I’m so surprised I got this finished by the deadline. It was a bit of a rush job. To the other prompts that I claimed though I definitely won’t make the deadline, sorry! But I do still plan on completing them, it just will be on my own time. Thanks for the patience!


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